Oh hey look, old, possibly embarrassing pictures!

James was bored. So he was walking along, looking at one of the book shelves. Then, he saw it. It was blue, just like he remembered, faded blue vinyl-type material. He leaned over and picked it up, looking at the inscription on the front 'Manson Academy' in faded gold lettering.

Opening up to the first page he headed to the couch. There on the page, was his handwriting 'Happy birthday Rache! Love you lots -J' next to it was one of those old photobooth type strips, with pictures of them being all couple-y. He laughed, remembering that day. They'd driven all the way to the next city to go to the movies.

"Rachel" He called, "Rache, come here!"

Rachel was in her bedroom, trying on the new dress she'd bought the other day. She heard James yelling for her, and slipped out of it, putting back on her jeans and top, running down the stairs to find him sitting in the living room. He was holding that book he'd given her. Oh god, Rachel thought, biting her lip and sighing. She sat next to him and smiled faintly at the photostrip.

"you kept it" James said, smiling faintly as he turned the page "I thought you'd burn it," He laughed, looking at the pictures on the page. "Fuck. I look about 12" He said, pointing at a picture of himself during Freshman year, next to it was his senior picture "And I look about 16 there" he said, pointing to the other. "And now I'm all old" he said, smiling faintly "And you, you could have graduated high school last week, based on your looks." he sighed. Damn. She'd kept it. It was stupid, but it meant a lot to him that she had.

"I thought I did." Rachel murmured quietly. And it was a surprise. She had burned almost everything. Until she found out that Barney had kept half of the things in a box which he hadn't let her touch. He'd known she would regret it someday. And she kind of did. Rachel laughed. "Oh relax, you don't." She said, shaking her head. "I do not," Rachel whispered. She felt old. She thought she looked old. Maybe she didn't.

James grinned, turning to the next page "Hell." he said with a laugh, looking at the picture "Oh god. I remember that day. I was a fucking mess" he laughed, remembering the event captured in front of him. His hair was long. Almost to his shoulders. It was during a family visit day, Robbie was sitting by his feet, talking to Rachel who was laughing. He smiled, It was easier back then. Before Robbie grew up, before he screwed it up. "Remember that?" he asked, pointing to the next picture.

Rachel smiled faintly when she saw the picture of her and Robbie. She hadn't seen that girl in forever. She'd been so sweet...Rachel chuckled at the next picture. It was of her and James at some school event, they must've been at some play. They were both dressed up, Rachel in a dress and heels, and James in a suit. There were other students around them, some of which Rachel recognized. She was on James' back, pointing at something in the distance. Mackenzie Bell, if Rachel remembered correctly and her boyfriend were also in the picture, not that Rachel had really liked either of them.

"Holy fuck" he said "Who took all of these?" He asked. He knew his Mom took a few, and Lex one or two, but there were dozens here. He flipped to the next page, It was snowing in the next picture, and Rachel and him were throwing snowballs at Lex and her boyfriend at that point, as per usual, Lex was screaming. Her boyfriend was having fun though, under it, was another picture from the same day, Him and Rache, snow in their hair, walking along and holding hands. Man. He really had screwed up. He had the perfect girl, and he let her get away. He could have done something that day. He could have said no. He always wished he had. Every day, he wished he could go back and undo it.

Rachel chuckled. "Robbie, maybe?" She really didn't know. It was just a guess. She smiled at the picture of the snowball fight. She was twenty-four now, and those were something she missed about being in high school. She saw the students having them now over Christmas break when there was a ton of snow outside the school. Rachel's smile became faint at the next picture, the one of them holding hands in the snow. It made her remember what had happened, everything. You promised to forgive him, Rachel reminded herself, turning the page. "Oh look, remember that?" Rachel asked, laughing and pointing at the next picture.

"No no. She wasn't at Manson until you were a Senior" James said "Maybe it was... oh god. What was her name? Kat? Yeah. Kat. She used to always take pictures of people, for the Yearbook and because she was slightly creepy" he laughed, remembering the girl. The next picture was during one of the three day weekends, And they were sitting at a booth, probably the old diner, right before it closed. He was grinning, running a hand through his (too long) hair. Rachel was sitting next to him, looking at him like he was insane. Another couple sat across the booth from them, "Who were they? I honestly can't remember..." he grinned.

"Right," Rachel said, trying to remember the name Kat. "Oh of course. She was sweet, though. Always nice. Just...a bit creepy." Rachel said with a laugh. She felt so old, barely remembering people she had gone to high school with. She'd be at her reunion years from then and not remember anyone. She chuckled and shook her head, trying to remember the couple sitting across from them. "I think it's...the girl is Nicolet, isn't it? The boy...oh God, is that Chad?" Rachel asked.

James looked closer at the picture "Yeah! Nicolet. That is her, she had that scarf," he said pointing "She wore it every fucking day" He looked at the boy next "Is that Chad? His hair was never that short, was it?" he asked. He sighed "Man. I feel old. I was just my Sophomore year ten years ago." He looked at her and smiled "Do you remember, the summer after we met, Right before my Senior year, when you spent almost the entire summer with Robbie and I?" he asked, "And we'd go somewhere different everyday? I just found a picture of you and Robbie at the zoo the other day..." He remembered, and smiled again. "It was so much easier back then..."

Rachel raised her eyebrow at the other boy. "That's Dan. I'm sure. Dan for sure." Rachel said. Goddamn. She used to be good at names. Her senior year she could recite everyone in the school's name perfectly. "I feel old too," Rachel said with a laugh. She smiled faintly when he brought up that summer. "And we went to the aquarium and you tried to lift me up into the tank with the dolphins." Rachel reminded him with a smile.

"Dan! Yes!" James said, "How could I not know that's Dan? We played soccer together" He laughed, And smiled at her "Hey," he said tugging lightly on her hair "You're not old." He grinned again "Robbie told me to, and you're so tiny" He laughed, "And we went to the amusement park, and Robbie and you completely killed me at bumper cars" He laughed, flipping the page to look at another picture.

This one was was one he had taken. It was one of his favorite pictures ever. It was Rachel, she was reading a book, or writing or something. It was taken outside, at sunset. The light was shinning through her hair and she was smiling slightly. "I love this picture" he said, slightly smiling. The one thing he hated about it was he took it three days before they broke up, and every time he saw it, he remembered that... "Rache. I'm sorry" He said, looking at her "For what I did to you"

Rachel chuckled. "Oh sure, whatever you say." Rachel gaped at him. "She told you to do that? I thought it was just you!" Rachel said, smiling. "We did. And that one roller coaster was so mich fun." Rachel remembered with a smile.

She glared at the picture. She looked awful. "Ick. I look terrible," Rachel said, wrinkling her nose. She drew he knees up to her chest and smiled out of one corner of her mouth at him. "I know you are," Rachel said, sighing. "But I really don't understand why you didn't tell me."

"No no, it was Robbie" James grinned, "She's a plotting little shit" He laughed "Ah, the roller coaster. I remember that. I hated it" He laughed.

"Are you kidding? You look beautiful" He said, smiling, but then he frowned and looked away, "I don't know Rache. I know I had some reasoning before, and it was stupid. And I hated my reason and I hated myself" He said "I'm not looking for pitty, don't worry, I'm just informing"

Rachel gaped and laughed. "Oh god," She said, rolling back and laughing. "Of course you did. It was amazing. Robbie and I loved it." Rachel said with a smile.

"Thank you..." Rachel said with a faint smile. She turned to look at him and rested her legs on the coffee table. "I know you did...but..." Rachel sighed. "It made me feel like you couldn't trust me. It made me feel like you'd thought like I was a kid." It may have been a year, but something she never told anyone was that the year of an age difference between James and Rachel had always bothered her. In fact, the girl her had cheated on her with was a senior, so that only made matters worse during the breakup.

"I think you liked that it scared the shit out of me more. Or, at least, Robbie did." James laughed, leaning against her, still laughing. "Or when we went to the movies, and Robbie made us sit in a different section because we wouldn't be quiet? Remember that?"

James looked at his feet, "I think...." he squeezed his eyes shut "I was afraid. And I didn't want you... Because I liked being.... I was an ass. I liked that you.... Admired me, or something.... and if I was scared, I would be weak. And I couldn't be weak, because I was an ignorant ass and I was convinced that you needed me. I was always forgetting how strong you really were."

Rachel smirked. "I probably did." She nodded. "Yeah, I do. It was supposed to be good. I missed half of it because you wouldn't shut up." She teased.

Rachel sighed, scooting over close to him. "I forgive you," Rachel said calmly. "But please, never do that again. For anything. I think of you as a good friend right now, and if there's anything, please don't ever do that again." Rachel said.

"And I missed the other half because you wouldn't just up" James grinned, teasing back.

James wrapped his arm around her, resting his head on the top of hers. Damn. Good friend. Damn. "I promise I won't" he said quietly, turning the to the next page.

It was a picture of them kissing. They were standing in the hall, close to... was it the music room? It was the one class they had together when they were dating... Like the picture of them in the snow, it was a small series of pictures, the one under it was him flipping the bird to the camera, his arm around Rachel, who was laughing.

"Sounds about right," Rachel said with a smirk. She bit her lip when he wrapped his arm around her. Again the only thing she could think of was that someone was watching them and not that it felt really nice. "Good," She murmured, her heart dropping to her stomach at the next picture. The one of them missing. Sighing but not saying anything, she glanced at the photostrip, smiling weakly at the one picture.

James laughed weakly "God why did you date me I was such a little shit." He was happy now, him and Rachel were good. But he wanted them to be more than good. He wanted it to be like it used to be. Not caring what everyone else thought, just them. "Rachel... I..." He sighed. Fuck it all. He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers, but this time, he didn't pull away and run.

Rachel laughed and shrugged. "I've seen worse," She said honestly, tucking a strand of brown hair behind her ear. "Remember that one time, when we went to the costume party and I dyed my hair blonde?" Rachel asked him, "And then the dye wouldn't come out?" She said, smiling faintly. She turned when he stuttered, and was completely overwhelmed when he kissed her. Why was he kissing her? She pulled away and looked at him. "I'm sorry, I really can't," Rachel said, standing up and walking into another room.

James buried his face in his hands "I'm such a fucking idiot" He said quietly, then stood up and rushed up the stairs. Why did he have to ruin everything. Always. It was his fault Martin was gone, it was his fault Robbie was so screwed up. And now here he was, digging through his closet looking for... ah. there it was.

He took the bottle out, one of the ones he'd bought the night he found Robbie. He had three more just like it. Grabbing all of them (of course still in the bag, the only way he'd managed to hide them) he sat on the floor, back against the end of his bed, so that he was faced away from the door. He put the bag next to him and opened the first bottle, downing half of it in about a minute. Something inside of him screamed that he shouldn't be doing this, that he was getting better. But he ignored it, taking another drink. He didn't really care, he'd already ruined his chances with Rachel. Again.

Rachel sat down on the white couch in her living room, resting her head on her elbow and closing her eyes. God, this was so much. She felt like such an idiot. She didn't have feelings for him, and she was so naive not to see that he did. Why did I kiss him that one night in my office? she wondered, sighing and shaking her head. She still couldn't get over the fact that he had broken her heart.

Hearing noises upstairs, she walked up there to apologize. Sighing, Rachel knocked on the door to James' bedroom, waiting for a reply. A few moments and she knocked again. Still silence. Opening the door, she gasped at what she saw. "Stop that!" She shouted angrily, backing away from him.

James knew shouldn't feel this way about her. It had been almost 7 years. He hated himself for it, most of the time. He knew that he should keep his head on straight, and forget about Rachel. He had tried, he dated other girls. But none of them were like her. He stood up pacing, and took another drink from the bottle, kicking one of his boxes. He never bothered to unpack, seeing as he would be moving out soon anyway.

James sat back down when he heard a knock on the door. He ignored it, of course. But then she knocked again. He swore under his breath and took another drink from his bottle. Then the door opened, He turned his head slightly, looking at her. "Go away, Rachel. What I do in my free time is not up to you" He said it sort of rudely, but he didn't care enough to be polite at this point.